The Top 15 Things Found in Bill Gates's Desk

# A frame holding the first $1 billion he made.

# Those compromising pictures of Janet Reno that ultimately saved Microsoft's monopolistic bacon.

# iPhone, iBook, Airbook, iPod, etc.

# "Past Due" notices from Hell's Souls Receivable Department.

# A copy of "Home Haircuts for Dummies."

# $863,979.42 in loose change.

# Crumpled copy of Al Gore's patent on the Internet.

# A copy of Machiavelli's "The Prince," an IOU from Pope Benedict XVI, Jimmy Hoffa's wristwatch and some Skittles.

# God's cell phone number.

# Memo to Microsoft employees now allowing consumption of apples and Big Macs.

# His old cardboard "Will Compute for Food" sign.

# Steve Jobs' life force -- and damn if it didn't get out of the bottle again!

# The title deed to Liechtenstein.

# Unsent letter to girl who spurned him in 10th grade, written on back of bank statement.

and the Number 1 Thing Found in Bill Gates's Desk...

# Severed limbs of the Microsoft product developer who wrote the original specifications for Windows Vista.